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and remember - never lose your sense of humour

Acton. It's main virtue? - only 5 minutes from Ealing. I needed to blend in. I was under cover. I wore a stained T shirt, with loose trousers.Held up with string. My shoes had seen better days. I sported a 3 day growth and dragged 6 Asda carrier bags behind me. They called me Sir and welcomed me in.~ Norbert Thrusty

"Jamming is a way of playing music that allows for freedom and improvisation. It's a group thing. An individual playing an instrument in a solo fashion cannot be described as jamming. This is because a jam needs at least two people. The essence of jamming is the interaction and communication between individual players."
(stolen from the net)

....After his debut last week, the toast of the town and the man most likely to take up stage space in a jam near you is ‘Jan The Man’. I had a chat with him during the evening and he explained the intricacies of his instrument. Get this. The body of the violin is made from a Blue Whale’s jaw bone, the strings are spun maidens hair, the tuning pegs are hewn from the horn of a unicorn and the bow was fashioned from a tree that is over 3000 years old that was burnt by lightening. And the rosin that he uses on that bow is made from the boiled down tears of a gypsy child who cried for a hundred years. Wow!.......

I was walkin' through the woods
Not far from town
I got a real shock;
I heard the strangest sound
I saw the purple people eater
And to my surprise
The witch Doctor sitting by his side.

Which Doctor?, ...........why Dr. Crotchet. That's who.

My good friend doctor Croquet, (Actually, that's Crotchet.- D.C).
It has recently come to my attention, as i grow into the world of music, how
many dangerous situations one finds themselves in on stage. Much like The
Blues Brothers i find myself ducking bottles, spit and bullets in Tufnell
Park, and bottles of piss at festivals. Most angry punters are too
nebriated to be of any substantial threat but recently a well documented
sitiuation at the Tune Inn found me caught between a Gibson and a Les Paul
place, and it seems we can all be forced now and again to engage in violence
with our guitars. Could you recommend some of the best basses and lead
guitars for this purpose. Im interested in those that can survive this use
as well as the most painful to get round yer 'ead. Please also list ones to avoid
with an adequate reason why.

Yours defensively,

Old Alex

(Young Alex)

And Dr. Croquet (look, it's Crotchet, o.k., D.C.) replies

Ode to Jam!
In a shock statement last night, Andy Falconer and his '3 Legged Dog' plus Graham Goldwater and his 'House Bandits' announced that they were both to quit as leaders of the Drayton Court Blues Jam.
This was a quite unexpected move and has left fans of their Tuesday night fix of Rhythm N' Blues in a state of deep shock.
The Blues Jam under the management of Andy Falconer has run for over four years. Great peaks and disastrous troughs have been navigated, both high brow and low brow entertainment has emanated from the stage, on occasion at the same time!
The Jam may well appear under another guise somewhere else in the future but until then the house lights have been dimmed, the equipment put away and the stage swept for the last time.
Andy Falcon when asked for a quote said "The record shows, I took the blows and did it my way."
Graham Goldwater was unavailable for comment but a spokesmen reading a statement prepared earlier by his family said, "No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low. That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right. That is I think it's not too bad."
The jam leaves a few red faced partners and many children.